Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
