I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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