Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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