her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
