his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
