saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This is the high leading the old right now
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
