i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
