They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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