mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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