you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
