how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
