Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
