So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
