my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize