I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
