We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sorry my hands just texted you
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
