I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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