just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
