The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
