This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
