Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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