i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
