piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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