a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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