the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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