I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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