i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
