I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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