Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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