I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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