Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
