You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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