i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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