Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
