apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
