make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
