Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
