Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
