someone threw a dead crab at me
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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