I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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