i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
