Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
