She's JV to your varsity
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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