Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize