Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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