I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
