last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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