update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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