Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Everyone says I win the strip club
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
