the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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