Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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