I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
