I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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