this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
