We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
