I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im six kinds of drunk right now
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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