based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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