no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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