You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
