Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
