Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
