Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
