glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
