he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
