there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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