just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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