im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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