he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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