I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
